Screwing Yourself Out of the Happiness You Deserve

“That’s what wine is for!!,” she fumed as she stormed out the door of her parents house. Her heart full of rage, anger, hurt and pain. My heart broke as I witnessed the response of a family member having a hard time with her relationships. I had been there. I used wine to quell the powerfully intense emotions I had in the 28 year marriage I left. The emotional merry-go-round of my inability to express my feelings because I was afraid to confront because I feared losing the relationship and the house that went with it, so it was just easier to have another glass of wine—in the short term. The cabernet cover would give me that warm, rosy cheeked buzz and suddenly my life and my feelings seemed more tolerable. But the fierce energy of my unmet emotional needs was still raging underneath the alcohol induced okayness like the Yellowstone caldera. The wine only worked for so long before my bodies (mental, emotional and physical) began to break down under the weight of that cover. It’s hard to step beyond what is such an accepted way to deal with life, especially when your whole lineage has bowed to the bottle and obsessive behaviors. When I stopped drinking, I had to come face to face with the fact that I was miserable and I was really angry. It wasn’t easy, probably the scariest thing I have ever done, but honoring my feelings gave me the strength and energy to get out of that relationship that wasn’t a good fit for me. The quick fix of wine paved the road for long term misery and it is not a sustainable coping mechanism. The best cork to pop is the one holding back your intense emotions because in truly feeling we are truly living.

#Drinking#Emotionalintensity#Wine#YellowstoneCaldera#Wine#Happiness